Crash Psychology 101

A few weeks ago I was hanging out at McGuire Harley-Davidson (http://www.mcguire-hd.com/), which come to think of it is a more regular occurrence now that I find myself immersed in the role of powersports marketing pro without portfolio.......sounds soooo much more impressive than, well, let's just say the alternative.

Anyway, I was chatting away with one of the techs (just an aside, they have an awesome crew, everyone of their wrenches is a top notch guy........trust me on this) who's absence I had noticed in a couple of prior visits. Seemed he had taken a tumble commuting from work (being a real rider, his motorcycle is his only form of transport) and had been at home recovering from his up close and personal asphalt interface. Fortunately his recovery seemed to be moving along enough so he was back at the salt mines.

So what happened, I asked, wanting to zero in on the exact cause of the accident, like some obsessively demented NTSB investigator, if for no other reason than to prove to myself, beyond a reasonable doubt, that whatever misfortune had befallen my friend, the same fate, in no way, was going to befall your humble scribe. Call it denial, call it whatever you will..........but all motorcyclists do it. Whether it's a gnarly smash up at an intersection, or a single bike highside on a deserted mountain road, doesn't matter, we want all the details, no matter how grizzly, so we can piece together a plausible scenario wherein through our own superior skills and maybe a dash of luck we would come out of the exact same situation completely unscathed with nothing more than a "beer worthy" war story to tell.

So why this ghoulish obsession with accidents? Simple really. No matter how you slice it, riding a motorcycle is an inherently dangerous exercise, one that offers up some potentially grievous consequences for even the slightest incidence of brain-fade, "pilot error", or just plain bad luck, whether on the part of the rider, or the countless dim bulb cage pilots cluelessly hurtling to soccer practice only inches away from our nearly totally exposed bods . The fact is, in most any mishap, the odds aren't exactly on our side. So it's no wonder that if one were to give into the notion that our fates were in the hands of, well, the fates, it's doubtful we'd even stick a toe out of bed, let alone ride one of those damn death machines. It's only by creating the illusion of total situational control that we delude ourselves enough to convince our rational selves, and random loved ones, that we're gonna be OK. We've got it covered.

I'll call it the "ain't gonna happen to me" syndrome. I've read that it's common among test pilots (another less than totally safe and secure activity), who when after one of their own auger in, run countless scenarios in their minds about how they would have done it differently, and presumably better, thus surviving the incident that claimed their buddies life. This is true even when considering mechanical failure....."not gonna happen to me", and if it did, why I'd give it more throttle and bingo! Happy landings..........No need to worry. When it comes to the art of denial, it's kinda nice to know we have something in common with the "Right Stuff" crowd, huh!?

Now back to the crash. Seems our man was minding his own business cruising in the diamond lane (that's the fast lane for you good folks that are fortunate enough not to live in a large metro area, or The Peoples Republic of Kalifornia) during the evening commute when a woman, who was stuck in the "crawling at a snails jog" middle lane, decides she's had enough of the slow going, and without warning literally turns into bike and rider. With no time to react, and thoughtfully nudged by 3,500 lbs of steel, the Street Glide and its pilot are instantly separated, left tumbling along Highway 4. Upon coming to rest, after hitting everything but the lottery, we're happy to report that rider turned pedestrian made it safely to the side of the road with no further damage. His Harley would have to wait for the hook.

As we talked I could tell we were both engaged in the same mental exercise, although obviously he had had way more time to dissect the incident from every possible angle, still the "not gonna happen to me" (or in his case, "not gonna happen to me, again") game was on. How fast were you going, I asked? Where were you in the lane? Did you have any clue to the drivers intention prior to her fender smacked your saddle bag? On on it went. And you know what? We actually came to a useful conclusion.....

Remember that prior to the accident our man was motoring at a fairly decent clip on the inside of the fast lane (this would put him and his machine fairly close to the very cars he was passing) while traffic barley idled along to his right. The theory being, by hugging the right side of the lane, he would be more visible to the cars he was passing should they check their mirrors. It's an old school tactic that was taught for years in some circles, and has served my pal well for years (remember, this fellow rides everyday, rain or shine and has racked up more miles than you and I will ever see). Unfortunately it has a couple of flaws. The first being that the average driver rarely, if ever, uses their mirrors, can't be visible if they ain't lookin'. You're lucky if they even signal, let alone check their mirrors before barging into your slice of the roadway. We all know the skill set of today's driver ain't what it was twenty years ago. Not even close.

The second problem in this case is proximity to other vehicles in the lane to the right, which has the disadvantage of significantly cutting into reaction time should said soccer mom decide she's had enough of the slow crawl home. Given enough room good things can happen; you can maneuver out of the way, the wayward git in the car may actually spot you and dive back into their lane. You never know, I say dare to dream.

This is why I've always tried to more or less "ride in a bubble" (I can hear you laughing, knock it off), because accident avoidance is all about time and distance. Simply put, you need time to react to a threat, the more time the better. As luck would have it, distance can provide the time necessary to carry out whatever disaster mitigation plan you've managed to concoct in that tenth of a second you have available to keep from being the guest of honor at the nearest ER. Trust me, the bubble is you friend, keep the cages safely on the outside, and you just might make it home in one piece.

Had our intrepid commuter and his Street Glide been on the far left of his lane chances are he would have had more time by virtue of the extra distance and could have responded to the idiot move that was about to befall him........certainly a better plan than depending on the kindness and road manners of strangers. And the cool thing is our little "not gonna happen to me" conversation led us both to the same conclusion.......we looked at the incident, thought it through and I'm certain we're both going to be much more aware when we find ourselves in similar situations in the future.........ain't gonna happen to us!

Hey Toto, Kansas Rocks!

Who knew that Kansas; fly-over state, home to stout college hoops and the occasional trailer-park clearing twister, was also a land of enlightened lawmaking? Rest assured it is dear Chromies......witness the recently passed "Dead Red" bill.

According to Fox News;

"The Kansas House on Tuesday approved a bill that would allow bikers to run a red light if the signal "fails" to turn green after a "reasonable period of time." The proposal leaves the discretion in the hands of the motorcyclist, but is aimed at ensuring riders don't get trapped in perpetuity at intersections because of signals that either malfunction or don't detect the motorcycles." 

A moment of silence for the collective wisdom of the Jayhawk state law-givers! How many times have you sat frustrated at a signal while it cycles yet again, never giving you the green? OK, me neither, but at least now you can bomb through without the threat of John Law waking from his slumber just in time to clock in and do his share of revenue generation for the day, and slapping you with a completely unjustified citation. If you reside in Kansas of course.........almost reason enough to move!

Imagine, letting the rider decide when it's safe to proceed.........yeah, that's why this tidbit of legislative wisdom has about as much chance of becoming law in the Peoples Republic of Kalifornia as Charlie Sheen does becoming a spokesman for AA. Ah, dare to dream............oh, and major props to ABATE for their work in getting the law passed..........way to go my friends!

Full Frontal Lids, 100% Biker, Believe That!

Few topics get a room full of bikers as hell bent, eyes bleeding, spit screaming, lit up as much as the subject of motorcycle helmets (or lids as they are also known, and for those in the audience on a first name basis with your local DEA station chief, we ain't talkin' those kind of lids); safe v. unsafe, cool v. lame, law v. choice, black v. everything else........the arguments are as endless as the government's appetite for our hard earned dough. And to be honest, we're not gonna solve much of anything here either, not really.......as a matter of fact we're not gonna accomplish much more than to add a dash more napalm to a Molotov cocktail. Come to think about it, that kinda sounds like fun, doesn't it!?

For the record, I wear a helmet, full face, and always have, even before the goons that pass for legislators in the Peoples Republic of Kalifornia decreed that if the proletariat choose to engage in two wheeled motorized transportation, they must do so with a "proper", PRK junta approved lid. Great for helmet sales, pretty shameful on the personal liberty front.

Just as choosing to ride a motorcycle in the first place is a deeply personal call, so too should the donning of a helmet. To "wear or not to wear" should be left up to the individual rider and not some faceless, over-paid, SEIU lapdog, bureaucrat........who's riskiest adventure to date was to order the hot wings at Applebee's on an empty stomach. Not the governments job to protect me from myself 24/7 in every aspect of my life. Go ahead, show me that amendment in the Constitution.......not there?! Didn't think so. Butt out.

Unfortunately that train has sailed, and it looks like, at least for now, most of us are going to be dealing with at least some sort of relentless "safety Nazi" blitzkrieg on our right to remain lid free.......just know, you smarmy little jack-weasels, we're coming for ya........start planning for an early retirement (you guys live for that anyway right?) in 2012. I'm just saying........

Now having said that I think helmet usage should be up to the individual motorcycle rider, it's pretty obvious to your humble scribe, that wearing a lid, just about any lid to be honest, is a pretty smart move. I've heard all the "restricted peripheral vision" arguments, as well as, the time tested "helmets cause broken necks" fiction, or the "you can't hear with a helmet on" lie.........all bulls*#t. There's simply no rational "scientific" argument against wearing a lid based on the premise that helmets are inherently "unsafe". Don't do it, you'll just look like an idiot. Really, don't do it.

If you think that wearing one is "uncool", fine. I can respect that. If you don't cotton to "The Man" telling you what to do, even better...........that dog hunts. If you want to head out on the mean streets with nothing more between your melon and the grill of that pimped out 'Sclade than a receding hairline......far out. This used to be America and you should be free to do just that. No judgements.

But here's the deal, not only do I think helmets make a dandy "buffer" between me and Terra-firma, but I think they can look pretty damn cool doing it..........and full face lids just might be the coolest of the bunch "style-wise". There. I said it.

What!? I know what you're thinking, if John Law says I have to sport a bowl on my noggin, I'm going for the absolute minimum.........screw them. My skull cap, my "novelty" helmet lets the whole world know, that I'm not taking any crap from "The Man". But let's think this through. Forget for a moment that a full face helmet is by far the most comfortable, quiet, and versatile helmet you could choose. And don't even think about the fact that over fifty percent of all "head to ground interface" incidents tend to impact the front of the face below the eyes, down to the jaw-line (yeah, nothing like having your fillings drilled on a bots dot). We're not the nanny state here, we accept risk willingly, and don't whine like a school girl when it bites us in the butt, no sir.........this isn't about "safety".

Nope, this is about style, and the full face rig has it in spades. Think about it, your head is completely surrounded in a battle-hardened shell, just like some medieval Templar knight. Not only that, with a dark smoke shield in place and flipped down, we have become truly mysterious to all who gaze upon your sinister being. Who is the man behind that "mask", sinner or saint, no one really knows? On the other hand, with an open face or half helmet, we're hanging it out there for all to see (oh, I know, you can wear a mask or scarf, and those are kinda cool..........except in the summer when it's a buck ten in the shade, with zero air flow).........and for some of us, maintaining our bad ass street cred is way more problematic when our decidedly non-threatening mugs are on display for the whole world to see. Personally, I like to keep 'em guessing.

Are all full face helmets equally cool you ask? Not at all. White helmets are out, don't do it. As are most any "race replica" graphic scheme........you wanna be Nicky, cool, buy an 1198R, not gonna play on a Harley (does it matter what the metric guys do?). By far the best bet is flat black, with a dark, dark, smoke shield. Stickers are optional, but at least one "Loud Pipes Save Lives" should be prominently affixed to bolster that "anti-social" biker vibe.........again, just think through your choices, devils heads good, Hello Kitty, not so much. You might have noticed that I haven't addressed "flip-up" or "system" helmets.....mostly because they confuse me. I know tons of cruiser guys are switching out to them, and that's good, I guess..........it's just that when the chin bar is down they look really cool, but when it's flipped up, oh damn, do they look lame! Remember Devo? Ah, most of you don't.........just trust me on this one.

Still don't think going "full frontal" is biker cool? Well my friend, start checking out your local club members (and just in case you need clarification, we're not referring to H.O.G. members here, think more on the lines of deaths head logos.......you feeling me now?) and see what they're sporting........more and more are doing the full face stealth thing. Need I remind you of the obvious advantages these helmets might offer those with a less than comfortable relationship with the local constabulary? And let's be honest here, these are the guys many of us look to when deciding what makes the cut when it comes to cool. You know it's true.......you might not want to admit it, but it is, and that's OK.

There you have it Chromies, not only can these full face jobs save your bacon, but they can look damn fine while they're doing it. Look, you've probably got to wear a lid anyway, why not bust out, and be at the pointy end of the spear and go full frontal and leave those mushroom top half-helmets to the wannabees and style challenged that "think" they're all bad ass biker. I won't tell them if you won't........ 

U-Turns, The Ultimate Stunt, Man

With apologies up front to Jason Britton, Kane Friesen and every other "one toy short of a happy meal" wannabe stunt junkie.....yeah, your skitching, 360 stoppies, Christ air's, 12 o'clock wheelies, and occasional femur snapping antics are truly entertaining, I'll grant you that. It takes heaps of bike control and a shocking disregard for the concept of "consequences" to do what you do.........a tip of the helmet to you all. Cool...........but not really the bomb, not a 500 pounder anyway, not even close.

Come on, you wanna really impress your riding cronies, that hot Marisa Miller clone at the bar, and maybe even yourself in the process? Try flippin' a u-turn in a 15 foot wide chunk of asphalt on a fully loaded (with a passenger bub) Harley Ultra-Classic.........now that's a stunt my fellow Chromies!

It's true, you know it. How many times have we seen a local motorcop rip a majestic "u-ee" at some random intersection and marveled......"if only". You see a guy throw down a smooth 180 and you know he's the real deal, the kind of guy that can fix a broken primary chain on the side of the road with a spoon and wad of Double Bubble, he's the guy you don't want your girlfriend to meet........ever, he's the guy that's pulling the string on your man card at this very moment. Tell what lies you will about lap times at a local trackday, or that iron butt weekend jaunt of 5,000 miles, even break out the dyno charts..........but you know, it's the lowly u-turn that separates the wankers from the real deal riders. And you wanna know how........don't you?

Cake my friend, total cake. All you have to do is read these words, find a flat piece of hardstuff and practice.......two afternoons, and you're gonna have that CHP motormaid shaking in his patent leathers when he catches a vidi of your sick skills. We're gonna assume you've been riding your Harley for more than fifteen minutes, have your appropriate safety crap (long sleeve black t-shirt) and are pretty comfortable with the whole "making it go" process.......we good? Cool, time to flip some..........

U-turns are by nature a low speed maneuver (which is actually what really scares the poo out of folks, crazy, I know), requiring very little in the way of throttle to execute, idle pace is perfect. The great thing about mostly any model of Harley Davidson is that they possess whopping scoops of torque which make the whole process stupid easy. Once we're rolling at a walking pace, begin to turn the bars in the direction you want to go. But what about "counter steering" you say!? Doesn't apply here, the speeds are simply too low to generate the full effect........but that's OK, so don't go beating up your MSF instructor, although you can give them grief for telling you not to cover the front brake.......we'll talk about that one later.

Make sure you're moderating the clutch in the "friction zone" as this will keep you from lurching or stalling........remember dear Chromie's, if you learn nothing else from these pages, a "smooth application of the controls" should be your mantra when piloting any two wheeled contraption. With the bars turned in, lean the bike in the same direction as the turn, while weighting the outside peg.....oh wait, we're talkin' Harley's here, I mean floorboard, with your foot. I know, I know, a lot going on.....and we haven't even got to the part about what you should be doing with your head!

Which is why I want you to shut your eyes and channel the seventh grade, hanging out with your buddies, riding your BMX bike, or if you're of my generation, your Stingray. Remember how when you were  BS-ing, you'd putt around in tight circles, standing straight up on the bike, off the seat, just slamming the bike from one side to the other as turned one way, then the other, in ever tightening circles?? It's the same damn principle!! Breakthrough......just like with your bike, your body is "straight" relative to the machine, while you "push it over" (lean sharply) in the direction you want to go.......it'll work with a Heritage Classic just as it did with your Schwinn.

As they say in sports, "as goes the head, so goes the body".......same deal here, now that we're turning our bars, leaning the bike, putting weight on the outside floorboard, we're now swiveling our noodle around so that we're looking at where we want to go. The more comfy you get with the drill, the sooner you'll snap you head around..........but for now baby steps, baby steps.

Now that we're completing the u-turn, we begin to let the bike come up out of the lean, the bars are straightening out, and we're feeding out the clutch while we apply more throttle.......done! Slicker than owl snot, and not nearly as messy. How do you feel about yourself now!? Once you've mastered the "left u-ee", practice doing them going to the right as well, if for no other reason than you'll be twice as bad as the guys that didn't. Getting up close and personal with these slow speed maneuvers also comes in pretty handy at gas stations, your favorite watering hole, and especially bike rallies........oh yeah, let those posers see your mad skills; take their woman, snatch their man cards..........eat your heart out Jason, there's a new sheriff in town!

Tips For Two-Up Touring

I have to confess right from the outset that most of my road riding motorcycle adventures have been of the "solo" variety; at least solo from the standpoint of me being alone in the saddle. Don't know exactly why; just always felt right. The reality is, I probably just didn't want to be responsible for another person. And trust me, when it comes to "responsibility", riding a motorcycle is on a whole different level. Everyone and their second cousin has a damn "coma story" involving a motorcycling mishap..... no way I was going to be part of that drama. Not me. I knew the risks......and was willing to take them, but to ask another to do the same?? Don't think so. Or maybe I just didn't want to buy lunch.....whatever.

The fact is, it's truly liberating never having to worry if the person "in the back" noticed that clunky shift, or how you damn near stuffed the back of that Tahoe while staring at some "Real Housewives" wannabe exiting the Safeway parking lot, or if your penchant for consuming cheeseburgers at nearly every "gas stop" was bordering on the excessive. No one's damn business! My bike never ratted me out. Adding a third to the party was just awkward, in a "this is a threesome that's never making the Forum letters column", kind of way. Just wasn't natural. This isn't to say I don't like riding with other people, I do. Sort of. Maybe I have trust issues??? No matter, we have motorcycling wisdom to inflict.........

Are you experienced? That's not just a cool Jimi Hendrix line, it's a real "no BS" assessment you need to make about both yourself and your passenger. Here's the deal, your motorcycle is gonna respond and handle in potentially unnerving ways when you've got your baby on board. At the very least, braking distances will be longer, acceleration will be slower, and low speed maneuvers that much more tricky.......all because of the extra weight (a point best not mentioned to your significant other, no matter how well intentioned). If you're not ready for a some two-up fun, say so.

While we're at it, ask your potential adventure buddy if they've actually been on a motorcycle before. Sounds like an obvious thing to do, but trust me, most bikers don't bother to enquire. If the closest thing to motorcycle riding little Betty has experienced is season two of Sons of Anarchy, you probably don't want to discover this little tidbit as you tear into a decreasing radius corner on Highway 88. Can't you just see it? You leaning in as God intended, while your terror stricken passenger using all her eighth grade gymnastic skills, throws her body in the exact opposite direction you're leaning in a heroic effort to save you both from whatever idiocy possessed you in the first place..........oh yeah, now that's fun.

While you're telling her that it's OK for bikes to lean over, let her know that she's gonna be moving backward and forward on her perch as well, maybe even clunking noodles now and then. And this too is OK. When the machine brakes, she scoots forward, when you take off from a light, she'll be sliding rearward. How much is going to be determined by your right hand and her weight (as we know, that last factoid is better left unsaid). As for you, when in doubt, remember you can't go wrong with a "smooth application of the controls".

Don't forget to clue your potential ridemate into the fact that motorcycles get hot. Really hot. Show her the areas they should avoid touching at all times. You want the ride to be memorable, but not for the third degree burns she'll be sporting on her calf for the next fifty years. And let her know the best way to "enter" and "exit" the vehicle while avoiding the aforementioned hot zones, and only when you say you're ready....parking lot tip-overs can spoil a ride every bit as much a scorched limb.

Lastly, and this one's pretty important, make sure that your passengers safety stuff is at least every bit as good as yours. Just because she's not holding the bars doesn't mean she's not gonna slam the ground just as hard as you........crashing is an equal opportunity crap storm. Make sure she's got the right gear, no paper mache' helmets and flip-flops......this is where you really get to show you care, and avoid a nasty liability lawsuit in the process. Nothing says "I love you" like a Snell rating.

So get out there, share the ride, show those close to you what it is that we love to do.........and with any luck, after a few rides, they'll buy their own bike. Is that bad? Maybe it's a sharing thing..........

Neutral Is Cool If You're Switzerland, Not So Much On A Motorcycle

Ah gentle readers, I have to start with a bit of a confession. And as with most confessions, I'm nagged by a faint sense of shame, of that little smug voice in my cranium; ".....told you so, you shouldn't have looked!"

But I did look, and look again.......at the traffic counter for this very blog. Hmmmm. It would appear that I should change the name of this blog to "Table for One"! Hey, Snookie's career wasn't built in a day, nor most likely was her chest either........so I'll soldier on, if only for that one reader.........mom, mom are you there??? Dammit.......

On task now. I've been riding motorcycles for over 32 years, all kinds of bikes; sportbikes, enduro and motocross machines, even those lead sleds from Milwaukee. Spoiler alert, I'm a relatively late convert to the cult of Harley Davidson, but I do like the machines, own two, and am pretty fond of riding the piles. Say what you will, but nothing in the motorcycling world is as good at being a Harley as a Harley. I've never raced (unless you consider an enduro a race, which no self-respecting racer would), but I've run professional AMA road race teams; I'm not a designer, but I've helped design and market all manner of parts, accessories and clothing for my fellow motorcyclists; I'm not an "Iron Butt" guy, but I've got more miles on two wheels than I can count; I'm not a writer, but..........well, you get the idea. And my point would be?

Sound question, you're paying attention, good. The aforementioned shameless promotion of my motorcycling bona fidis, was merely my way of illustrating that while I may be an old windsack, I'm a windsack with a lot of seat time........

Which brings me conveniently to the thrust of this already too lengthy missive; taking a neutral stance while loitering about an intersection.........or more accurately, slipping the bike into neutral while waiting for the signal to change. Just the other day while terrorizing, as only a middle aged guy can, the back roads of east Contra Costa county on "Paint Shaker", the mighty '06 FLHRCI (for those that don't speak Harley, translation; 2006 Road King Classic) I came to a light as I entered town, pulling up behind a fellow on a late model BMW GS.....you know, an adventure bike. We waited.

As the light switched to green, I spied my fellow riders left foot retract gracefully up from the ground, and with a gentle downward "snick", he clicked into first gear and accelerated off into the distance. Which I have to confess is a pretty common occurrence when you ride a Harley, most everything accelerates off into the distance.......personally I draw the line at Kia's. The point being, the entire period of time my new found friend was sitting at the light, he was in neutral, and just one social networking, type A, soccer mom away from being a decidedly reluctant recipient of an SUV enema.

Here's the deal kids.........NEVER, and I mean NEVER sit at a light, stop sign, or lemonade stand with your motorcycle in neutral.........ever!! Should bad things happen, the extra time it takes for you to recognize the threat, click it into gear, and begin to accelerate out of Dangerville, means you're likely to get an up close and personal glimpse of Obama-care in action. Not good.

It's all about reaction time, being in gear at a stop means you'll be able to scoot should the situation call for it just that much quicker. And that fraction is likely to be the difference. It has been for me, on more than one occasion. And while we're at it, give your passenger a heads up that when you're at a light, stay frosty, and be ready for a quick acceleration even if the light is still red......remember, leave no one behind!

And so endith the lesson..........mom, your thoughts??? If anyone else happened to stumble upon this blurb and managed to struggle to the end.......am I whack? Got another angle, topic, or whatever......let me know........