Tips For Two-Up Touring

I have to confess right from the outset that most of my road riding motorcycle adventures have been of the "solo" variety; at least solo from the standpoint of me being alone in the saddle. Don't know exactly why; just always felt right. The reality is, I probably just didn't want to be responsible for another person. And trust me, when it comes to "responsibility", riding a motorcycle is on a whole different level. Everyone and their second cousin has a damn "coma story" involving a motorcycling mishap..... no way I was going to be part of that drama. Not me. I knew the risks......and was willing to take them, but to ask another to do the same?? Don't think so. Or maybe I just didn't want to buy lunch.....whatever.

The fact is, it's truly liberating never having to worry if the person "in the back" noticed that clunky shift, or how you damn near stuffed the back of that Tahoe while staring at some "Real Housewives" wannabe exiting the Safeway parking lot, or if your penchant for consuming cheeseburgers at nearly every "gas stop" was bordering on the excessive. No one's damn business! My bike never ratted me out. Adding a third to the party was just awkward, in a "this is a threesome that's never making the Forum letters column", kind of way. Just wasn't natural. This isn't to say I don't like riding with other people, I do. Sort of. Maybe I have trust issues??? No matter, we have motorcycling wisdom to inflict.........

Are you experienced? That's not just a cool Jimi Hendrix line, it's a real "no BS" assessment you need to make about both yourself and your passenger. Here's the deal, your motorcycle is gonna respond and handle in potentially unnerving ways when you've got your baby on board. At the very least, braking distances will be longer, acceleration will be slower, and low speed maneuvers that much more tricky.......all because of the extra weight (a point best not mentioned to your significant other, no matter how well intentioned). If you're not ready for a some two-up fun, say so.

While we're at it, ask your potential adventure buddy if they've actually been on a motorcycle before. Sounds like an obvious thing to do, but trust me, most bikers don't bother to enquire. If the closest thing to motorcycle riding little Betty has experienced is season two of Sons of Anarchy, you probably don't want to discover this little tidbit as you tear into a decreasing radius corner on Highway 88. Can't you just see it? You leaning in as God intended, while your terror stricken passenger using all her eighth grade gymnastic skills, throws her body in the exact opposite direction you're leaning in a heroic effort to save you both from whatever idiocy possessed you in the first place..........oh yeah, now that's fun.

While you're telling her that it's OK for bikes to lean over, let her know that she's gonna be moving backward and forward on her perch as well, maybe even clunking noodles now and then. And this too is OK. When the machine brakes, she scoots forward, when you take off from a light, she'll be sliding rearward. How much is going to be determined by your right hand and her weight (as we know, that last factoid is better left unsaid). As for you, when in doubt, remember you can't go wrong with a "smooth application of the controls".

Don't forget to clue your potential ridemate into the fact that motorcycles get hot. Really hot. Show her the areas they should avoid touching at all times. You want the ride to be memorable, but not for the third degree burns she'll be sporting on her calf for the next fifty years. And let her know the best way to "enter" and "exit" the vehicle while avoiding the aforementioned hot zones, and only when you say you're ready....parking lot tip-overs can spoil a ride every bit as much a scorched limb.

Lastly, and this one's pretty important, make sure that your passengers safety stuff is at least every bit as good as yours. Just because she's not holding the bars doesn't mean she's not gonna slam the ground just as hard as you........crashing is an equal opportunity crap storm. Make sure she's got the right gear, no paper mache' helmets and flip-flops......this is where you really get to show you care, and avoid a nasty liability lawsuit in the process. Nothing says "I love you" like a Snell rating.

So get out there, share the ride, show those close to you what it is that we love to do.........and with any luck, after a few rides, they'll buy their own bike. Is that bad? Maybe it's a sharing thing..........

Sarah's My Homegirl

I love "Sarah Palin's Alaska".............there I said it, get over it, move on. I read that its debut was seen by over five million viewers (some even had college educations analysts say, though none thankfully were ivy league), a record for cable, and it's expected to be a major boost to Alaskan tourism. Whatever. Stunning mountain ranges, pristine waterfalls, float planes, and wildlife......this show's got it all. Or so I've been told.............I haven't noticed. You see, Sarah's my homegirl.

 It started at the RNC in 2008 and it's been growing faster than the Obama fueled national debt........my love affair with Mrs. P. Watching that speech I couldn't help but be reminded of that other uber sex symbol of  all things "right"..........Ronald Reagan. The wit, the warmth, the humor, the hair..........it was all right there. OK, maybe she wasn't quite as sexy as the Gipper; but her ability to propel the loonie left, especially their lapdogs in the shamestream media, into fits of apoplectic, spittle producing tantrums, sealed the deal for me. Or maybe it was the photo of my lovely Sarah cradling an AR-15 like she'd been there before..........ah, no matter. My heart was hers.

Oh, I know. She's stupid. After all, haven't the "best and the brightest" from Harvard to Wall Street, to PBS, been beating on that bongo from day one? The same "best and brightest" we might want to remember, responsible for the mortgage meltdown, the financial meltdown, the auto industry takeover, titanically idiotic levels of debit, and my favorite "health care" (whatever the hell that means). Let's ponder for a moment the "she's stupid" argument.........one, I'm ashamed to admit is not limited to the nitwits on the left, a few of my pals on the right that should know better have slammed my girl too. Proving yet again that elitism and sycophantic snobbery is an equal opportunity parlor game.

Stupid. OK. Let's see. Born into an average family, father's a teacher of all things. No wealth or privilege........sorry Kennedy's, no trust fund to be found anywhere. She's an average student, and an above average athlete......basketball I'm told, no cheer leading cliche's here. Damn.

Sarah goes of to college, alright, a couple of colleges if you must know. Unfortunately none of these institutions were of the ivy variety......horrors! You know the rest, marriage, kids, mayor of a small Alaskan town, Governor of the state (I know, Alaska's not a "real" state, so being Governor hardly counts). I could be wrong here, but does this seem the  life trajectory of a moron? As a matter of fact, I would submit that had this resume been that of anyone BUT Sarah Palin it would have been hailed as the American success story of the century.

Doesn't Sarah's success as a mom, small business person, and politician stand as confirmation of the ideals of the woman's movement in particular, and civil rights in general? So why the hate? I'll tell you why (aside from her unforgivable sin of not claiming Pro Choice status), the simple fact is the left has no equivalent narrative.

They have no self-made woman, no true American success stories of their own.........think about it for a minute. Nancy Pelosi, married a powerful man. Dianne Feinstein, married a powerful man. Barbara Boxer, married a powerful man. Hillary Clinton...........well, you get the idea. Seems like behind every darling Dem is.........egad, a man! More to the point, a man with a bankroll. Not exactly a vision of female empowerment.

Is Sarah Palin smart? Was Ronald Reagan smart? What is smart? Unfortunately, that's a question best left to.............ah, smart people I suppose. But what I can say is that Sarah Palin is real, she's authentic and the American people get that. She has a vision that the average person can relate to, and she can articulate that vision with a clarity not seen since..........well, since Reagan. The more the left tries to demonize and trivialize her, the more powerful she becomes. Sarah Palin is "stupid" because liberals are scared spitless, and they have no counter for her force of character.

Sarah's my homegirl not because she'd be the hottest leader in the free world, or that she loves guns and the outdoors (can you see her on a Harley.......oh mama!), or that she could kick the living crap out of any of her left leaning, concave chested, girlie-men detractors. No, Sarah's my homegirl because she's regular folks............and it's regular folks that made this country great. And that ain't stupid........