Stuff That Works

We thought it might be cool to feature products or services that you just might find handy. There's really no criteria, or formula, or even a posting schedule really. If we roll over something nifty, something that does what it says it will, we'll tell you about it.............if not, well, you won't have anything to read will you? Oh, and one last thing.........we're not pluggin anything here for swag or profit, as a matter of fact, chances are I had to buy the crap myself.......at retail no less!! Jeez. But that's how we play it, just for you brother, one of Chrome Asylum's countless sacrifices for the good of the biker community (yeah, I threw up a little bit in my mouth too)......... At least you know you're getting the straight dope.

Have you looked at rider footwear lately, or more to the point what people are wearing when they ride? Nah, I didn't think so.........but as an "industry insider", it was part of my gig, so I did. And here's the deal, the days of the square toed harness boot are fading, same for the lineman or construction boot. The trend today, at least in the biker community (if you have to ask what that is, you're probably not in it, so don't fret) is toward "Tac boots", or modern military style tactical boots. OK, the real truth is more folks are sporting sneakers, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna do a piece on the sickest Jordan kicks to pimp when you're cruisin' your Sporty........not on my watch mister!

Back to boots. Tac boots actually have tons of advantages when it comes to riding........not the least of which is while they offer good support and protection, they are really comfortable off the bike....you know, when you have to hoof it from the parking lot to the watering hole.......and we know, sometimes that can be quite a hike! There are literally hundreds of brands and styles to choose from at prices starting around $49 up to, and well beyond $200. But for our dough, there's no better choice than Converse's Military/Tactical boots..........which might be why I have not one, but two pair poised for riding duty at all times.

 Converse boots feature a full grain leather/1000 denier nylon upper (you can get a completely waterproof version if you'd like) with a removable insert, something they call a "Shock Eliminator System and SureGrip Plus Trail Outsole"........whatever, the thing is you can walk all day in the damn things without so much as a hint of a blister. They are that comfy.......really. They are also 100% non-metallic, (their "steel toe" is actually a composit box, works just as well) which means you won't be setting off any airport detectors or roadside IED's, and it also helps to keep the overall weight down.

Black or desert tan, those are your color choices.......as are six and eight inch lengths. I prefer the taller of the two, just a bit more protection and the side zip (super cool) makes getting in and out of them a snap (sounds like an info-mercial huh, watch out "Anton-E" Sullivan!). The soles seem to be anti-slip, at least I haven't found myself on my ass at a gas station or toll booth yet......but who knows.

Prices vary quite a bit on-line so shop around, depending on the version you select (and there are a few) expect to part with between $79 on the low side to about $139 on the high. You won't be disappointed no matter which one you select..........although I am bummed by the fact that this great American brand, as have so many others, has opted to build their product in the Peoples Republic of China (ironic that some of our cops and soldiers are defending our liberties in boots manufactured in one of the most oppressive and morally bankrupt countries on the planet.......alas). But we want 'em cheap, damn the consequences right?

But on a positive note, apparently Converse is offering our service members an incredible "Word of Honor Guarantee", if the boot fails for any reason, they can get a new pair shipped to them entirely FOC to any theater of operations........now that's cool!! Obviously this is available to active military serving in combat zones..........so don't even think about it. Oh, one last thing, damn.......the profile of the Converse boot is just a tad high, so you might have to adjust your shifter, it's no big deal, maybe a notch or two. Go ahead and check 'em out.......they make great kicks for the range too.

2011 Triumph Thunderbird....Cool As McQueen

It took long enough, but finally I have something in common with the King of Cool, the man for whom the entire planet was his "monster garage", a gritty competitor, and pretty fair actor, with 110 octane in his veins that would flog anything with motor, and usually come out on top. The only guy with the sack to appear on the cover of Sports Illustrated (August, 1971) shirtless, on a skyward bound Husky (yeah, you try to pull that one off and not look like you've got more Liza Minnelli than Metallica on your i-pod.......you can't, so don't). That's right, I'm talking about Steve McQueen.......Hollywood legend and certifiable gearhead.

The man, the machine, it doesn't get any cooler

And just what is it that we two moto-icons share? Why, we're both Triumph riders of course. OK, to be fair, McQueen rode them often and well........alright, he raced the damn things, and more times than not came away a winner. And me? I just took my first ever jaunt on one of Hinckley's finest, a 2011 Triumph Thunderbird, better late than never as they say.

For those not sufficiently grounded in moto-history, you should know that Britain's Triumph has a long and storied history, these guys have street cred by the ton.........for starters, in 1903 when the Motor Company was bolting together it's first machines, Triumph produced just over 500 motorcycles, and by 1905 were manufacturing one hundred percent "own design" bikes. Triumph's proudly served their country in a couple of World Wars, and during the 50's, 60's and early 70's (motorcycling's "golden age") were the performance bikes of choice. If you weren't on a Triumph you weren't winning.....and worse yet, you weren't cool.

And cool they were..........Elvis, Brando, Ekin's, Eastwood and more all threw a leg over the legendary Brit cycles. Wanna pocket some easy beer money? Riddle your pals as to what brand of bike Brando was sporting in The Wild One, the biker flick that built a genre......you'll score almost every time. Modern day stars are not immune to Triumph's tractorbeam of class either........from Pam Anderson to Tom Cruise and George Clooney, Triumphs are Hollywood's mount of choice, by a ton. But let's be honest, McQueen's cigarette ashes were cooler than most of these modern day pretenders........nice try Brad.

Thunderbird style, Triumph heritage, nice combo

So we know Triumph's are cool, but how does this new interpretation of the classic Thunderbird stack up against its contemporary cruiser competition (once again, thanks to Jim and the good folks at Ace Motorsports; http://www.eastbayace.com/ , I would finally get my chance to be just like McQueen, OK maybe not just like McQueen.....)?  The answer as it turns out is, "....very well, very well indeed", at least I think that's how the Brits would say it. For starters, the Hinckley crew crafted a machine that is both functional in that it doesn't ask for any sacrifices on the part of the rider; it starts every time, and goes where you want it to go, is comfortable along the way, and stops when you get there.........and looks damn good doing it, like a proper Triumph should.

The Thunderbird is no cruiser clone, it is its own machine.........and central to that fact is the iconic 98cu inch vertical twin motor, or parallel twin if you will. It's a hallmark design that really makes a Triumph a Triumph. With 85hp (at the crank) and 108ft. lbs. of torque (also at the crank) the motor is more than capable of propelling the 746lb machine along at a decent clip. From a dead stop, just feed out the clutch, twist the stick and this thing flat gets on it.......no poser here, the generous reserves of torque are more than evident. The big 'Bird revs easy and willingly, with it's natural shift points somewhere around 3,500rpm, wringing it out to the 6500rpm redline is an exercise in diminishing returns, more sound than fury. You don't need to row the gears with this torquey beast. My ride had the optional "Hi Flow" short mufflers, which had a more than acceptable note, and bonus "pop, pop" on decel......I've always liked that. Suggestion.......it wouldn't hurt of the pipes produced a few more "db's", nothing annoying, just something to drown out that damn cooling fan at idle, and road noise at speed. Let's rattle a few cages OK? You know damn well McQueen would......

Aggressive, modern, yet all Triumph from the ground up

Out on the road the Thunderbird is a rider's machine, it's handling is journeyman like, with no surprises. And that my friends is a very good thing, for both the rookies; as well as, grizzled old vets that might decide to give this new Triumph a go. To be honest, it corners better than about 90% of its cruiser competition. This machine is solid, feeling planted in the twisty bits, with no sign of frame flex, shimmies or shakes. The brakes are way beyond what you might expect from the average "cruiser", hauling the 'Bird from extra-legal speeds to naught without a hint of drama.....progressive and powerful, just what you want (we expect the optional ABS to be every bit as confidence inspiring). Ground clearance is sufficient for all but the most "MotoGP inspired" cornering shenanigans.....you can scrape, but you'll have to work for it. The rear shocks are adjustable for preload, but that's about it.........and one other thing, don't expect a plush ride.....all those nifty handling traits we just talked about........yeah, well there's no free lunch, so expect a more sportbike like feel, don't say I didn't warn ya.

Nifty optional floorboards and heel/toe shifter

Bars and controls are about what you'd expect, again no real drama, all is as it should be. OK, did we have to put the horn button exactly where the left turn signal switch is on every Harley made??? And while we're on the subject, making them self cancelling would be nifty. My ride came equipped with an optional shorty windscreen which did a great job of redirecting the wind flow.......I'd consider it a must for long trips, and this from a guy that hates bar mounted fairings and screens (never liked the idea of mounting a sail on my handlebars). Think I've used my Road King's windscreen exactly twice. The combo speedo/tach is well positioned on the tank and easy to read. The rear brake pedal was a bit too close to the optional floor boards, boot stuck! Not fun trying to dislodge ones foot in an attempt to apply the brakes.......I know, it's the rear, so who cares!?

Clean and simple does it every time

When it comes to throwing down some serious original classic cruiser style, the Thunderbird doesn't disappoint. The key word here is "original"......and it's more than applicable when describing this machine. The signature vertical twin and gas tank set the tone for all the other elements. A quick word about the 5.8 gallon tank, it ain't tall, but it's wide. Same goes for the seat, it's PBR bull broad, I'm thinking if your inseam is shorter than the legal length of a shotgun in California you might look to a different saddle, if one can be found. I'm just saying......you might be wearing the paint off that tank.

The rear of the bike is aggressive without being over the top.......nice wide meat says serious bar hopper (what, you think McQueen would be caught dead putting down to Jamba Juice for an Orange Dream Machine!? For the last time, it's Jack, Luckies, and steak!! Oh just hand over your man-card..........jeez, you're not worthy), as do the beefy shocks and nicely sculpted fender (OK, the fender is straight up Softail Duece.........and the mounts are, well.....same story). The tailend of this machine flat works though.......especially with the shorty mufflers.

Triumphs iconic vertical twin does the job and then some

Up front we've got a very well concealed radiator (are we listening Milwaukee?? Still some work needed on that V-Rod, but why rush?) that does a credible Houdini from just about any angle. The forks are stout and the fender wraps tight around the front skin for a very convincing custom stance. Again, the package works, hats off to the left coast design crew. You guys fired a shot across the Motor Companies bow........more like dead straight at the Dyna family, and I'd have to say "nice grouping!" Everyone knows that the Dyna line is the one with the most appeal to "real riders" (whatever that's supposed to mean), and the Triumph bests it in almost every category. Whether or not it's enough to peal customers away from the cult of HD remains to be seen....but for those that want a credible alternative, one with nearly as much street cred, this is the real deal.

So what's the story?? Cool enough for McQueen? It might be Sparky, it just might be. Let's see, we've got cool Brit built heritage........well, sort of. (To say the topic is "murky" is an insult to muddy water, suffice to say there's an issue among some of the "faithful" regarding the fact that many of the sub assemblies are manufactured in Thailand, as are some models of bikes, but as far as I can tell, the Thunderbird is a genuine "built in the UK" model; although I couldn't find evidence of that fact on the one I rode). For some people this will be an issue, for most, I would suspect it will not. We all know that Harley and Victory both bolt on components from overseas.......it sucks, but it is what it is. Like it or not, global sourcing is an economic imperative (you don't see that phrase in biker blogs everyday do ya!?) and one that is not going away anytime soon........certainly not as long as Wall Street types call the shots. When it comes to recovering unrealized margin, these guys are as relentless as head lice, and just about as charming. Trust me on that one.

Cool as McQueen? Alas, not even close

But back to the machine dammit, f'n suits!........Cool heritage, check. Original, aggressive style? Got it in spades. Plenty of power with handling and braking enough to take care of business? Again, that's a Roger. Chrome goodies and hop-up parts to satisfy the inner hot rodder lurking in all of us? On this score, I have to give Triumph major props........they're busting butt to offer their customers a wide array (certainly for a niche builder) of go-fast accessories. They could have left it up to the aftermarket, that would have been the easy route........but they didn't, good on 'em.

The Triumph Thunderbird.......power, handling, and original style, sounds like just the machine for the King of Cool.........yeah, cool enough for McQueen, no doubt about it. And while we're waxing on the subject of cool........hats off to the folks at Ace Motorsports http://www.eastbayace.com/ , they're all hardcore enthusiasts that really "get it". It's a great dealership (longtime readers already know that) with an awesome vibe, and an ample supply of demo bikes to test. Sweet. So if I were you I'd scurry on down to Ace, find Jim and hit him up for a test ride........right the $#@! now!

Ducati Diavel.........Satan's Scoot

The Ducati Diavel.....best in black, no?

Fair warning fellow Chromies; when piloting the Ducati Diavel, failure to flip the "grown-up switch" to the on position (you know the one, it activates that annoying buzzing in the back of your head, relentlessly nagging you about work, family, responsibilities, blah, blah, blah....), will most assuredly guarantee that you will be dialing up not only your lawyer, but Swifty the bail bondsman within the first 30 minutes of stabbing the starter button on this hell spawn. Oh yeah my friends, believe it, the Diavel is that %#$&'n fast!! I had no idea............

 After I got the call last week from Jim McLaughlin at Ace Motorsports (http://www.eastbayace.com/) asking me if I'd like to take a Diavel out for an afternoon test (how long do you think it took me to stammer out "hell yes!"?) I started doing my homework. And that's when it actually began to sink in.......


The Termi slip-ons are works of art

 Uh oh, you've really done it now sunshine! You just might have gotten yourself over your head, shoulders and ass on this deal. Cool. Over a 160hp and 94lbs of torque at the rear wheel (on a machine that only weighs 441 pounds......do the math), zero to sixty quicker than you can say "not guilty", and brakes that hit harder than a Chuck Liddell front kick. More perspective? It has twice the horsepower and half the heft of my Road King.....and that's after I added the big bore kit and pipes!! The Diavel literally defies description......cruiser, sportbike, drag machine, what the hell is it? Answer, whatever it wants to be pal........it's the Diavel's world, we're all just hang-arounds. Once you throw a leg over this beast all that "categorization" mental masturbation is history. It is what it is......you either get it, or you don't.

The Diavel is muscular in the extreme, from its broad shouldered silhouette and flat snout, to the uber fat 240mm rear rubber, this machine is all red meat; aggressive, menacing, capable........ if you're not careful, it just might take your lunch money and your girl. From the single sided swing arm, to the amazingly crafted wheels and the Brembo monoblock anti-lock brakes (see the folks at Ducati are looking out for your hide) the Diavel demands your undivided, or else........lets just say you've been warned.


Yeah the rear meat's that wide

And right when you think you're starting to figure it out, that's when this crazy "Jekyll and Hyde" thing hits........the first thing I notice as I slide onto the seat is how comfortable and nearly perfect the riding position is.....WTF!?! No contorting, no pressure on the wrists, no crazy anatomic compromises. The bikes bars and my hands meet just where God intended, sweet. The pegs are just about right, not always the case when you're 6'2". Instrumentation is all digital, very easy to read and well thought out. Nice job Luigi. I stab the starter, and the Testastretta 11 degree motor stirs willingly. My particular machine was equipped with  Termignoni slip-ons, high performance air filter, and electronic control unit......good for about another 10 horsepower. Yeah, just what this bike really needs.........more horsepower. Yikes. But the "all business" exhaust note alone is worth the upgrade (think throaty, high reving, big displacement dohc V-8). Consider it a must.

The digital panel is fully visible even in direct sunlight

Keeping all this grunt and go in check is no mean feat, but Ducati manages it with a trick system that allows you to choose from three "power" settings; sport, touring, and urban. Pick urban, and the motor is limited to 100hp output (ponder that for a moment, when did 100hp at the rear wheel become the "novice safe setting"!?) with maximum traction control. Thoughtful. Touring and sport both have max horsepower (over 160hp stock, remember?) available, the difference being that the sport setting offers up minimum traction control. I chose touring........

Signature Ducati design

And we're riding.........hold the phone, where did all that heft go? Can this muscle-bound missile really be this light and nimble!? Short answer.......hell yes! At the risk of sounding like some "in the tank" Ducati hack, the Diavel is one of the best handling, most balanced, and comfortable street bikes your humble scribe has ever ridden. It's nothing short of amazing. It's a blast, point it in a direction and it goes, right where you want it........think Hypermotard meets 1198, sort of. But you get the idea.........On my favorite bendy road, with it's 41 degrees of available lean, the Diavel does a more than passable imitation of a sportbike. Try that on a V-Rod and you're tearing stuff up.

We put a little over a hundred miles on the Diavel; twisty roads, freeway and in town stuff. When you need it to be, the Duc is Dr. Jekyll, well mannered, a gentleman.......but whack the go stick, and you had better be ready my friend. Seriously, the beast is stupid quick. Light to light, nothing's gonna touch it, end of story. In fourth or fifth gear on the freeway, doesn't matter which, roll the throttle on from say 70, and you're clocking triple digits in a heartbeat. Best be workin those arms out Sparky! Luckily the Diavel has a deeply dished seat........or yours would be on the asphalt. To say that the Diavel's acceleration is rabid dog crazy is like saying Megan Fox is a "handful", while both statements are true, they don't do either justice........Trust me, you will not be able to observe the posted speed limit, ever.  At some point there's a good chance you will be arrested.........just keep that in mind when budgeting for the bike, and keep the lawyer on speed-dial.

I suppose an obvious question after testing the beast (taming is out of the question) is, would I ever buy one? To be honest, before I road the Diavel the answer would most likely be no. The steroid mutant styling cues would probably have kept me from signing on the dotted line........ this bike demands to be seen, and will be seen, you have no choice in the matter.....and I'm not a "look at me" kinda guy. I can't count the number of double takes I witnessed on my little test jaunt. If you want to blend, this ain't the rig for you. Oh, and if  (when) you're in the throttle constantly, the Duc's mileage suffers mightily......did I just mention "gas mileage"!? Shoot me.........if you're thinking EPA ratings at this point, we're both lost!

You gotta love that profile

But here's the story, the damn thing is so much fun, so over the top, so freakin' fast, that you just gotta have it. And after only a couple of hours, what seemed "over the top" design at first glance, started looking pretty damn good, as only Satan's scoot should. The fact that it's a felony waiting to happen only sweetens the deal......so for me, yeah, I'd buy one. I'd buy one today as a matter of fact...........because now I know. Make mine black please........

Electric Motorcycles.........Oh Goody

Is there just no escaping the "greening" of America!? From our "Community Organizer in Chief" to the maniacal recycling eco-thug brats of Cub Scout troop local 9, it seems that everyone is out to "modify" my behavior when it comes to carrying out their environmental jihad to save this great big blue orb from.......well, from me....and you. Jeez.......people, can we just give it a rest?

The Zero.......sexy huh?

Apparently not..........if the "we know what's best for you crowd" gets their way (and enough fat government grants to fund the madness) electric motorcycles will be coming to an outlet near you, and soon. Oh joy. Yup, companies like Zero (could they be referring to my interest in their product I wonder?) and Brammo are busily toiling away in a selfless quest to break our "addiction" to oil and the inherent evils of internal combustion. Really?

Before we examine the dubious benefits of electrified two wheeled transport, may I just take a moment to reflect on the utter idiocy of that whole "addicted to oil" argument that human hating lefties, and their handmaidens in the lamestream media feel compelled to beat us over the head with? Fact is, all modern economies are petroleum based, oil is the lifeblood of the world as we know it........nearly all technological advances of the last hundred or so years, our standard of living, individual liberty, even our very personal health depends in no small measure to the availability of cheap (relatively) and abundant energy.........energy in the form of oil. Do we say humans are "addicted" to food, water, and shelter? Of course not, they are simply fundamental elements critical to our survival........as is oil fundamental to our "economic survival" for the foreseeable future. Wishing it otherwise won't make it so, sorry Sunshine.

 Besides, where are we gonna get all this wonderful "clean" go juice anyway? Think about it, we've got a president and CON-gress that couldn't organize panic on a sinking submarine in charge of formulating our nations "energy policy". The result so far? No new oil, no new natural gas, no new coal, and no new nukes. Let's see, that leaves us with bovine flatulence, left-over organic cooking oil, sun-light and warm breezes. Perfect. All of those aforementioned "green alternatives" account for less than 10% of the nations total energy grid. And the best minds on the planet say that it won't be possible to get that number above 25% in the next twenty years, regardless of policy or technical breakthroughs. Groovy.........guess we'll be burning a lot of candles in the meantime (if it's not a Spare the Air Day of course). There isn't a lack of oil, there's a lack of will. Are there any grown-ups left in DC?

Transformers................get it, Transformers!?

Oh, and just wait until the backpack and flip flop set realize that the feds are gonna have to make up all that lost gas tax revenue somewhere..........hmmm, a kilowatt/hr tax maybe, how about a miles driven tax (CBO's already on that one), or perhaps a "plug-in" surcharge..........that sounds nifty. Perfect "motivation" for getting all us sheep on those bullet trains to Fresno don't ya know? Remember, it's not about the environment at all......it's about the good of the collective trumping the rights and liberty of the individual. I'm just saying..............carbon credits anyone??

But what about electric motorcycles? What indeed. The fundamental issues with electric bikes is the same one that has plagued cars for years, and why you're not driving one right now.........limited range, charging time and power. Given the current state of battery technology you can either have power (and to be honest, electric motors are very efficient in terms of delivering gobs of instant power) or range, but not both. Want maximum top end? You're only gonna get twenty minutes of run time. Want to ride for three hours? Well then prepare for a top speed limited to about 20mph. It's just the way it is..........and more so given the design imperatives of a motorcycle........there's only so much in the way of battery weight that's practical. Which brings us to charging.........how many of us are going to want to ride for 30 minutes, only to have to spend the next two hours charging the bike? Yeah, I thought so.

Damn........

The only environment where I can see current technology having even a remote chance of success would be in a highly dense urban setting. Short trips, lots of time to charge........if you can actually find a charging station that is (and no anarchist punk is gonna make it his life mission to snip all those charging station cords, no way.......heh, heh, heh). Scooters.........that's your motorbike EV of the future. Maybe.

As for larger machines.........say an electric Harley Dyna, I dunno. As Yogi Berra said, "prediction is hard, especially about the future". I for one have very little interest riding a machine that could have been built by Kitchen Aid......A proper motorcycle should possess just a bit more character than say, my fridge.

I want the clatter of valves, the rhythmic slamming of pistons, the reassuring cadence of a V-Twin exhaust burbling at idle.........not the soulless whine of a blender. I want the sensory overload that is four stroke internal combustion........suck, squeeze, bang, blow.......just as God intended. Keep the appliances in the home........not on the open road. Let's just hope that if the enviro-nazis get their way, and it's electric bikes for all, Apple will come up with a "moto-sounds app" so I can at least still hear what a motorcycle used to sound like..........let's see, here's a good one; Harley Dyna, straight pipes............dammit the future sucks...........

Sturgis By The Numbers....And Some Random Stuff

Total number of miles ridden - 3,341 (this is my mileage, "door to door", other folks in the group would have slightly different totals)

Number of states visited - 6 (Nevada, Utah, Wyoming, Montana, Idaho, and South Dakota)

Number of times the group (or members of the group) were pulled over by the law - 2

Quarts of oil burned on the trip - 0! (Take that all you Harley Haters......that includes a nearly twenty year old machine too!)

The number of times the group had to breakout the rain gear - 0 (it was a charmed trip, no doubt)

Total number insects sacrificed by our chrome and steel - 376,987 (this is only an estimate)

Motorcycle accidents witnessed - 1 ( the dude survived)

Random Thoughts -

"As much as the Harley crowd takes flak for being "posers" (after twenty years in the business I can tell you that Harley riders don't have a monopoly on that charge), once you get waaaaaay out on the open highway, the vast majority of the machines you see are indeed Harley-Davidsons; apparently there's a fair number of "real riders" among the Harley fraternity."

"Once you get within about a 200 miles radius of Sturgis, the whole "rider wave" thing goes out the window. It's not that folks don't want to throw a welcome wave to their fellow riders..........it's just that there are too damn many, your hand would never be on the bar.

"When coming into Sturgis always avoid exit 32, instead head down to the Deadwood cutoff (I think it's exit 30) there's far less traffic. And the first chance you get bear left, and try to use Williams or Park street, plenty of parking and no traffic."

" A good number of folks that attend the Rally are new or "low mileage" riders.......keep your head on a swivel, cars aren't your only concern."

Uh oh, looks like Nate got busted

"If you look like a Hollywood stylist put together your "biker duds", you'll probably never be mistaken for the real deal"

"Chaps...........for cold weather folks, if the mercury is over, say 65, leave them in the saddle bags."

"It's super cool that many of the local hotels/motels provide towels to wipe down bikes.........not cool that some are poly blends (only use 100% cotton), very bad for the finish."

"Score a shirt from Pee Wee's.........trust me, way better than the tons of "official" souvenir crap you'll find on Main Street."

Stunting Sporty, don't see that everyday

"Bike Week is in Daytona, Sturgis is a Rally...........there is no Sturgis "Bike Week"..........better toss that t-shirt!"

"I'll just never get that whole "Boss Hoss" thing...........a V-8, OK, so what."

"Hands down the best breakfast of the trip was had at "The Cowpoke Cafe" in Lovelock, if you're going through town, stop in and say hi to Rosa."

"If you have any interest in American Firearms, the Buffalo Bill Museum in Cody is a must.........give yourself some time."

"The Full Throttle Bar has some of the best bartenders in town, forget the fact that they're all incredibly hot, they're friendly too!"

Mark, Nate, Vince, JP, and Hank....until next time!

"There are few experiences in life that can rival a 12 day road trip with close friends..........life is short, round up your buds and get out and ride. I'm glad I did, thanks guys.........especially Vince, you made it happen."

Sturgis Or Die, Day Twelve....Home Again

Last day. It's a hard admission to make, I don't want this thing to be over, to be done, not just yet. The five of us have jelled, we're a unit, we ride as one, and we're riding well, we're ready for whatever the road and circumstance throw at us. When we're not riding we're laughing, or eating......both activities that a sane person can't really get enough of, and I don't want to give that up.  But the cold truth is....last day, time to ride home, back to our separate, "real world" lives. It's sunny, perfect really, but not my mood. I'm gonna miss all of this. Riding everyday, new people, new sights, new adventures........we were explorers, men on the move. Damn.

We've got some miles to throw down, nearly 500, so there's no time for a leisurely breakfast, it's 7:30am and we're firing up the machines, Nate gives JP a shove and the Dyna chugs to life, they got this bump start thing down! We pull out into the cool, high desert sun, it's not blazing yet, but it will be.

Nothing fancy today, it's pretty much highway 80 straight west across Nevada, up and over Donner Pass, down through Sacramento.....homeward bound. No long stops. We cruise along at about 80mph, there's little traffic and we only see one trooper. Gas and go. Breakfast today is in Winnemucca, a sort of casino/diner joint. Local kids are playing around the entrance while their parents throw down nickels and quarters hoping for the "big" payoff. No beautiful people here, the place is a last chance, last hope for folks without much of either. It could be me, but there's something just a little bit sad about the whole scene. We walk into the diner, friendly servers, lots of food....pretty good too. A hostess, probably a babe during the Kennedy administration, strode up and asked, ".....whose jacket is that on that Harley?" We look through the window, it's JP's. "You know, kids here are just like kids anywhere". We get the message, JP walks outside and removes the temptation. Nice lady.

I have to say that throughout our odyssey I was struck by the number of people, and not just fellow riders, that admonished us to "be sure and ride safe". Genuine concern, it was nice, and it happened a lot. No sideways glances, no disapproving stares.........for the most part the fact we were bikers started folks talking, our motorcycles initiated smiles, thumbs up and approving nods. We were, for a brief period of time the embodiment of freedom and adventure, and people recognized it. It was humbling and very cool, all at once.

Finishing our last real meal together, maybe we take just a bit more time, tell just one more story, laugh about something dumb one of us did. Last day kind of stuff. The check comes.....one for each, we finally got that down, only took ten days! Fueled up, body and bikes, we roar west. Strong crosswinds make themselves felt all the way to Reno, but we're seasoned high mileage veterans now, no big deal. We're making good time. Good I guess.

Vince, JP, Nate, and Mark....last stop

It's "Hot August Nights" time in Reno, there's hot rods everywhere, I'm gonna have to come up and check this out sometime. We decide to pull into Reno Harley Davidson to have a chat with their techs, just to see what they thought about the Dyna's current "issues". Good chance for a cold soda too, and a gander at the bikes, never a bad thing. Their service manager tells us what we already know, it'll take hours to diagnose the "stumbling" problem, and even if they can, they aren't going to have the parts to fix it (the Dyna's almost 20 years old fercrissakes). If we wanna get home today we're gonna have to steal a line from Vince's favorite biker comedy and "just ride!" (the name of the movie has been deliberately omitted by the author simply because I hate it, so there!). So it's gloved fingers crossed and west we go......

We gas up in Boomtown before we begin the accent up the pass. Only 20 miles to the summit, if JP can keep the Harley moving, we're in the clear. We decide on a more mellow pace, no more than 65, we don't want to push our luck, or the Dyna. I take point, Nate on my six, Vince and Mark flank the boy. We're a unit now.

The miles click off, JP stays fixed in the rearview, so far so good. Not much farther, Donner Lake to the left, we're gonna make it, no "mechanicals" this trip! Up and over the summit, just an easy roll home now. It's cool at this altitude, feels great. It'll heat up again soon as we descend into the foothills. In a day filled with "lasts", we stop in Auburn for one last gas stop. This will be the final time of the trip that we'll be able to talk to each other (OK, Vince and I have the Chatterboxes, but you get the idea), share a laugh, just hang out. We have some cold drinks, snap a group pic, and it's time to go. Handshakes won't do, it's hugs all around, it's been a hell of a trip, better than any of us (including the Sturgis Vets in our group) had imagined. The weather, the roads, the bikes, the scenery, Sturgis.........it was all perfect. An adventure of a lifetime.........but not quite done yet.

Nate's Road Glide front and center

Still some miles to under our wheels. Head west on 80 through Roseville, skirt the edges of Sacramento. Mark stays on 80 as the rest of us turn south on "the five", he's heading to Winters. It's funny what a trip like this can reveal about others and ourselves. I've know Mark for years, well over twenty to be honest, and yet I had no idea about his encyclopedic knowledge of western history, but it sure enlightened our journey. Funny what you learn.....

Down 5 we go, boring, lots of traffic, smells like cow shit......I could be done with this. Exit onto highway 12, straight shot to Rio Vista, then left on 160, we're nearly there. It's super windy, it's the delta, welcome home. Vince and I talk a bit, I tell him what a great job he did in planning the route, hell, he planned the whole adventure! Great job my friend, great job. Over the Antioch bridge, I take the Brentwood exit, so does Nate, he's got some friends to see. One last glance over my left shoulder, Vince and JP motor pass and wave, on to Pittsburg and home.

I make my way through town, turn down my street and park in front of the house, and just like that it's done. Over 3,341 miles in 12 days, an adventure of a lifetime with four of the finest people a guy could ever know. Last day? No way, we're gonna do this again...........there's no "last" about it!!!

Maybe It Is Just A Club Afterall

Spend enough time in the Harley world and the topic of "motorcycle gangs" or more correctly, clubs is bound to come up. From cheesy B-movies (Quentin Tarantino's "Hell Ride" being a notably exception to a generally awful genre......it's deliberately campy, sexy, and it works, put it in the queue), the latest best selling "undercover" expose', high profile busts, rival club wars, to the local charity poker run, motorcycle clubs have played an integral role in American biker culture for over sixty years.



I'm thinking this is one bike you'd want to leave alone

 Whether many of us want to admit it or not, the mere sight of "outlaw" bikers is enough to evoke a multitude of sometimes conflicting emotions; fear, envy, loathing, and if we're really honest, on occasion, a desire to tell the man to #&$ off and join up ourselves. And why not? The "outlaw" biker is free, living life on his terms...........they don't bother conforming to the norms and conventions of the typical suburban square. They make their own rules........taking what they want, when they want, the rest of us be damned.

Respect. The "outlaw" biker's very existence demands it.........and we give it, if for no other reason than we know they won't abide by our overly PC notions of civility, so we may just be in for some trouble if we don't. Had one too many at the local watering hole, and want to test your sand.......while I wouldn't advise it, the gents with the colors over in the corner will oblige you every time. It's a very grown up version of the school playground, only these guys never back down. Show them respect, and you'll get it. Stay out of their business (and trust me, they're so not interested in the slightest in yours), and they'll stay clear of yours. It's as simple as that.

But here's the deal, where does a club end and a criminal gang begin? Are all club members, regardless of their individual records (and more often lack thereof) worthy of seemingly endless local and federal investigations, harassment,  and surveillance merely because they chose to join an organization a bit less benign than the Kiwanis  I'm not so sure. And I'll tell you why.
Simply put, the case against the clubs just doesn't add up for me, at least not all of it. For starters, if one were going to consistently engage in act of criminality, why wear a "uniform" that tells John Law just exactly who you are? Typical crooks like to be a bit more stealthy don't ya think? I can't recall members of the Mafia sporting "La Cosa Nostra" stick pins, or seeing them meeting in clubhouses with a giant logo over the door. I'm just saying. If our "outlaw" friends are all really criminals, they must not be too bright, which brings me to my next point.

Club members strolling on Virginia St. during Street Vibrations

Drug Money. Read any article about motorcycle "gangs" and inevitably you'll come across statistics of the amount of drug activity, prostitution, and extortion rackets they control, the figures are always in the tens of millions of dollars. In my home state of California, the biker clubs are high profile targets....... it's claimed that the clubs control over 75% of the meth trade! Wow, that seems like a lot (warning, on the topic of drugs, your humble scribe is waaay out of his depth, having never done any drug stronger than Advil), at least it would surely bring the club a ton of dough. Right!?

It doesn't seem so. During my years in the motorcycle business, I've had the opportunity to work and interact with more than a few members of the various clubs, both as customers of the business, and as promotional partners for various events. And here's the shocker, I've yet to meet a rich club member, as a matter of fact, all the ones I know have day jobs, some really difficult jobs, some well paying, but mostly blue collar. Never seen one driving a Bentley, none that I know live in tony neighborhoods, and most don't even have high dollar custom Harleys. That just doesn't conform to my ideal of drug kingpins that are knocking down millions of dollars a month!? Where's the beef...........when you're pulling down big money, it shows.......especially in the world of the average drug dealer. I know, I've seen Scarface, come on, not even a mansion!?

Lastly, it seems that no matter how extensive (which is code for damn, that cost the taxpayers a ton!) and sexy the undercover sting, it never really nets anything. You know, like actual convictions. A few guys get carted off to the joint, spend the night and are back out on the street.....waste of dough. Well, except for the book or movie deal the undercover cops manage to score, but that's another story. The fact is that in the vast majority of cases, the allegations are never proven out......unlike in other areas of organized crime investigations.

Boozefighters boogie at the Full Throttle

So what's the story, are all club members just misunderstood choir boys relentlessly hassled by the man? Hardly. No doubt there are individual members that do their share of criminal deeds, and let's face it, club culture is gonna be much more tolerant of such shenanigans.....these guys are not saints, and they'll tell you so. I'm just saying that the high visibility of the average club makes them by far an easier target for law enforcement "attention", more than their actual "crimes" would warrant. If this weren't the case, I think we'd see far more of the aforementioned stings resulting in major jail time.........seems logical.

Looks like the "truth' is once again occupying the middle of the road along with that white line and dead skunk. For the record, the average club member is one bad hombre, best to steer clear. You and I, no matter how romantic it may seem, will never be club member, and that's for the best. The very fact we're not means it wasn't the life for us.........and that's fine. But what it doesn't mean is that all those folks that willingly choose the "outlaw" biker lifestyle and join a club are criminals. Not by a long shot. Sometimes a club really is just a club...........